I’ve never had anyone close to me die before so this whole dealing with death thing is new to me. Death always seemed so distant but not anymore. My grandfather, someone I’ve known my whole life, passed away 5 days ago and I still can’t quite grasp it yet. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that I’m never going to see him again, never going to pick up the phone and hear him say Hello in that distinct way of his, never going to roll my eyes at another lame joke he tells, never get to speak to him again. Why is it that we only realize what we had until after it’s gone? Why do we learn more about a person only after he’s left? Why do we care when it’s too late?
I don’t know how to deal. I’m the sort of person who believes that if I ignore a problem long enough, it’ll go away. I don’t deal, I just push things aside. So I walk around and I look fine and sometimes I feel fine and then I get reminded that I don’t have one of my grandfathers anymore and my world feels a little different.
I can’t even bring myself to look at my grandfather’s facebook profile.
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